Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Not what I was going to blog about

1. I was going to blog about our very restful weekend at the Hyatt Hill Country but I will save that for another day. I will say it was very needed and we had a great time. I didn't have to make one decision for 4 whole days. Our friend Jonathan planned it and took care of being in charge of our group. He even made our spa appointments for us. It was AWESOME. Don't get me wrong, I love planning trips. It is in my top 5 favorite things to do but every once in a while it is nice to be taken care of too.

2. Graysen has a stuffy nose which means we both didn't sleep more than 2 1/2 hours last night. It made her eating time double because the poor thing couldn't breathe. I only worked a half day at the office because we
were both tired and I took some stuff home that was easy to do (opening mail and coding invoices...extremely exciting stuff) It gave me the chance to catch up on Friday Night Lights. I watched the final episode. I'm so sad that show is over for good. It is such a good depiction of high school football in a small town. I love football for many reasons. Growing up my Dad worked six days a week and Sundays were his day off. I watched football with him every Sunday. It was my father daughter bonding time and started my love it. During high school fall Friday nights were my favorite. I loved walking from our dance room to the stands. We would stand on the sidelines and wait for the band to finish warming up so we could file in to our spot. I loved the smell of the grass, the bright lights, the smell of the concession stands, and the energy and excitement of the game starting. It is why I like college football more than the NFL. During fall 2008 (otherwise known as the worst time period of my life) it was the only thing that made things tolerable. I looked forward to Saturday all week. 44 more days until the best time of the year

3. One of my friends recently told me since her husband has been reading my blog he wants her to do one because everyone seems so perfect. It has bothered me. I finally came to the conclusion that maybe it is a good thing to look "perfect." At the end of the day one of the things that will make me the happiest is for my daughter to tell me her life was perfect. Isn't that something every parent wants?
I thought I would throw in some not so perfect things just for fun. Shawn and I are through the first six weeks of new parent blissfulness. We get frustrated with each other. I chose to breastfeed her and when choosing that route I took on the majority of the nighttime duties. Occasionally when I look over and see him happily sleeping I have a small urge to punch him awake. O.K, so maybe I lightly flicked him awake the other night because I wanted him to do the changing and burping. He told me the other day I needed to stop being so crazy all the time. He is right. I am a control freak and I need to let him learn his own way a bit more.
I'm a little resentful of the fact I didn't get to stay home for six weeks and just take care of her. I didn't go back to work after 5 days because I wanted people to tell me I was super woman (I only cared about my father-in-law being impressed) I did it because I am one of 6 people in a company. I have job duties nobody else knows how to do. The financials had to get done and sent to the bank. I am not complaining. I have many job perks and wouldn't trade in my situation for anything but I do wish I could have had that time.
I am the keeper of our schedule. I keep track of appointments for both of us. I can't remember a time I have ever messed that up. I am sure it has happened, I just can't remember.
A couple of weekends ago we had people
over at the lake and the doorbell rang. Apparently I had rented out the lake house and COMPLETELY forgot. Not just messed up a date...just completely forgot someone coming to the house for a whole week. Shawn never said one negative thing to me. He took them to Del Lago and booked a room for one night and scheduled the cleaner for after we left. You can imagine his face when the next morning we go to the doctor and I messed up her doctor's appointment by a week. The 3 hours of sleep a night had been catching up with me.
I got in a conversation with an old friend this weekend in San Antonio. I told her I get so worried I am doing a bad job when she is having a meltdown and someone asks to help by holding her. She told me that the people who ask that really want to help. I told her I always feel so guilty about it. I have two friends I am frequently around and I can literally feel myself relax when I'm with them. They are both extremely good with children and are very helpful with her.

I keep telling myself being happy that I'm around these naturally maternal and paternal people shouldn't make me feel guilty. I should be thankful there are people willing to help. I just can't get rid of the inadequate parent feeling. I am working on it.

That is all I have on my imperfections at the moment. I will be blogging about my "perfect" mini-vacation in the next couple of days.